Emotional and verbal abuses had ruined my mental health .
From 2016 to 2018 i had a relationship with a man who was not respecting me at all . He was gaslighting , verbally abusing , probably cheating me and took all my confidence and joy of life . Still now i do not know why this happened .But sometimes our love towards the wrong person can bring us to do big mistakes bringing dramatic mental and physical problems .
By the way one night i found the bravery to tell him “Stop , the game is over ” and gradually i rebuilt all my life.
It was not easy … i had a continuous pain in my stomach due to the anxiety , i could not sleep , had frequent panic attacks , could not concentrate in reading a book or simply watching at film on the telly .But the move from London to Bristol created a massive revolution in me and rebuilt all the confidence i had lost .
This trauma happened to me when i was 50 years old !
Many friends and colleagues thought i could not come out from this dramatic situation at my age , but at the end they noticed the miracle in me .
Here my rules.
First of all you need a circle of new friends.
After a tormented period i can understand you hate the world and you prefer to stay alone at home thinking at what happened to you . But this does not help .You need to talk and express your emotions .People are not as selfish as the person who treated you badly .There are lots of people ready to listen and give you help .
At 50 years old can happen to find yourself the only one without your kids and a partner who share the bed with you .All your friends apparently have a nice family , a wife or husband that loves them and still a mortgage to pay for the house of their dreams .
Do you think to be unlucky for this ?
This is the biggest lie of your life !
You are free ! You have your freedom to behave again like in your young age !
Meet new people , possibly younger than you , go out with them .
Hiking , travels , cultural events and parties .
Obviously for the parties you must check in advance the avenue because could be embarrassing to find yourself at 50 years old in the middle of a crazy rave .But believe me , young people are not very interested in your age .
Your old friend instead are interested in your new life because jealous of your freedom. Therefore do not listen to them !
Rent a few homes to escape your perpetrator.
If you must change home to escape from the malevolent person who was abusing you , look for a house to rent . I suggest no to buy immediately .It is better to disappear at the eyes of the abuser . He or she will try during the first year to discover what you are doing and where you live to contact you again .
In my case the abusive man now behind his photographic studio in Swindon, was trying to carry on in torturing me with mean games using young women with mental problems .
But my ZERO CONTACT WITH THE MONSTER made me see the mean and pathetic person in him .
Remember : an abusive person is at the beginning the perfect enchanted prince or princess and if you let this monster have the possibility to contact you again , your mind and life will be manipulated forever and will be even more difficult to be ok !
So the best is :
Change circle of friends
Join meet up groups based on your interests.
Do some sports.
Do art or at least follow art.
Art is a perfect therapy for anxiety and depression.
Too often people sit passively forgetting to have a body with hands and arms who can create something unique thanks to the beautiful clay or brushes.
Organise a travel to discover something that you were dreaming in the past.
Traveling is discovery and people should have at least a couple fo travels per year.
I am not talking about boring cruises or resorts where people are packed like ants queuing to have a glass of water or doing all together at 7 am a Zumba lesson.
A travel should be a discovery of a part of the planet you have never seen before.
You must mingle with the locals .Talk with them , ask , do not be shy . Smile !
People love smiling people and during a travel you are less stressed therefore is easier smiling!
Obviously you need to choose a country that is not dangerous for you.
For this , check the home office website if you live in uk for example.
When you are 50 years old many people tell you that it is too late to date
Even if the menopause is started , a woman can still have erotic adventures and enjoy her orgasms.
Stop thinking you are too old for this.
Hundred of toy boys are getting crazy for mature women who knows better their bodies than shy insecure girls in their 20s.
Obviously be careful with crazy men and scams on dating websites!
Never send your money to the person met on a dating website.
100% is a scam and never exist that man on this planet.
Join a free dating website and check for verified men. Paying a dating websites is a lost of money .The same men can be found also in free dating website .
Upload your best pictures and start to have a spicy but interesting conversation with more than one ! Do not be offended if someone block you or does not answer !
Then after one week of conversation organise a date in a public space .
Do not look for long distance relationships because too much complicated.
Look for your neighbours instead ! Much easier.
When you come out from a bad relationship your body is not the best.
so restart to love yourself !
If you are fat do not go around saying you are beautiful being obese.
It is a lie !
You ruin your health with your obesity
Instead start a diet , go for a walk , buy clothes of a couple of size smaller and that must be your next goal.
Dye your hair because nobody likes grey hair in mature women and buy a new pair of sexy shoes . I love boots for example !
Do not dye your hair using the classical middle age blonde colour !
That blonde is for boring middle age women prisoner of their family.
Try a new colour ! Orange , Pink , Purple , Blue , Black !
I advice to have a fringe because hide wrinkles and you appear younger .
if you have £300 do a session of botox to have back your confidence.
Less wrinkles make you more attractive in the eyes of toy boys.
If it is a long time you do not have sex order a few sexy toys and enjoy yourself.
You will discover how much you love sex and for this you are ready to have your dates with men again.
But do not try to get engaged immediately.
Enjoy your freedom !
Enjoy your own company!
Do not be scared to be single !
Single is freedom
And last thing !
Dance … go dancing in some club
No a salsa course !
Go to a club and start to dance how you like
That is freedom
No drugs and no smoke by the way
That is poison for your veins
Last thing ?
Do not forget to sing under the shower or in the bath.
Hot Water with bubbles bring a fantastic joy in your mind and body.
Thanks for reading.